Partner in Crime

You greet me with a smile, and leave me with a kiss.
Wishing things could be different, my story that is.

I find comfort in your arms, a challenge in your mind.
Pleasure in your presence, though I’ve only known you a short time.

I look forward to the many adventures that our friendship will bring.
There is no limit to what this will be.
Trusting and strong, through thick and thin.
Never turning my back on you, for you are my partner in crime.

Always wishing to show you the silver linings in life, but also respecting you enough to tell you the truth when it is bad. You are my equal, my partner in crime.

Being a realist I am resigned to the truth.
Regret is my shadow following me with no escape.

One day this part of our relationship will end.
You will go your way and I will go mine.
This part of our story will be just a part of your past.

My one hope is that you recognize the rarity of this friendship and don’t let it die.
As I said you are my partner in crime.

You greet me with a smile, and will leave me with a kiss.
Although I wish my story could be different, I am thankful for this …….

No matter the roads we take in life, a true friend you will always have in me.

Only You Will Truly Know

A day of celebration, of joy and bliss.
Two friends making plans for a wedding to be.
Sitting there empty, so hollow inside.
Trying to hide my loneliness with sarcasm and fake smiles.

But something changed when you walked in that door.
My interest was peeked, that is for sure.

Eye contact made followed by a smile so bright.
Conversations initiated, a surprising delight.
The ease of conversation, fueled by your intellect and wit.
An intentional brush of skin to test the waters,
A positive reaction immediately followed.

My enjoyment and laughter true for the first time that day.
Our unexpected meeting makes me glow like very few have ever seen,
Fore this side of me, only you will truly know.

You came into my life so quickly, and found a hidden place within me.
I am caught off guard by my ability to be myself and enjoy the symphony of words and thoughts you invoke.

Mirrors

Standing in front of you feels like I’m looking in a mirror.
Believing there was no one like me but then you mystically appeared.

Someone to depend on when life gets too rough.
Someone to lean on yet still lets me be tough.

I respect you for your knowledge.
I adore you for your soul.
I value you for your friendship and the way you make me whole.

You’re my eyes when I can’t see.
My lungs when I can’t breathe.
The only one who knows me and helps my mind fly free.
You alone more precious than the very air I breathe.

But what if you’re a dream, denied to me once more.
Sent from the darkness to break me at my core.

The smile in your eyes, calms my racing thoughts and then I see the truth …….
Fore you’re my own dream catcher, my one true guiding light.

Forever Your Mine

My fallen angel, one soul we share.
Desire making me shiver by the strength of your stare.

The caress of your breath, your hands in my hair.
Every word you whisper, making my core flare.

Never have you looked as you do this night.
You alone more precious than even my sight.

Fear of damnation making you poised for flight.
Then you look in my eyes and realize you are my bringer of light.

Souls entwined together, only then shall our star shine.
Your deepest desire whispered …… Forever your mine.

Daddy Please Stay With Me

If only you knew the pain I possess.
A fathers-sized hole deep in my chest.

Why did you leave in such a way?
Causing your little girl so much pain.
Daddy please stay with me.

You said you loved me, but choose another family instead.
Where were you daddy, when I needed you most?
My life was in shambles, but you were not there.
All I needed was a daddy to care.

So much pain, but I never let it show.
Only shedding tears when I was alone.
Was it my fault? Did you ever love me?

For you were my hero, no fault to be seen.
Guess I wasn’t good enough, the fault lies with me.

It was just so hard always wishing to be good enough to be called daddy’s sweet pea.
Instead I hid, alone in my head.
Dreaming of the day when you would finally see.

Your little girl needs you,
Daddy please stay with me.

Fate Determines Who Walks Into Your Life

Ever wonder why we tend to love the person most whom puts us through the wildest array of emotions? How is it, that can still smile upon visions of happier days shared, even after multiple heartbreaks? Why is it that we tend to push aside the feelings of betrayal, of vicious words and always remember the mending of our heards?

What is it about love that we seek out so desperately? How do we know for sure when it’s really “the real thing”? everyone comes with his or her own faults. each as different as the person standing beside us. How much fault is too much? does it depend on each individual or is there an unspoken rule about it all? If so where do we find the master set of rules? Does it lye within each of us just waiting for discovery?

Marriage is something that seems to be taken to lightly. What would make any sane person agree to enter such an agreement? Guess the thought is that hopefully you’ll beat the odds and still be together when you’re old and gray. I’m not sure that there are too many people left that truly believe this anymore.

Is it real love when 2 or 3 years down the road he still opens your car door, or you still shiver every time the two of you touch? Do you still get butterflies when in their presence? On the other hand, should it ever matter that no one can bring you to your knees in tears like that person?

I’ve pondered these thoughts over and over lately. Not necessarily because it applies to me personally, but because I see it all around me. Sometimes knowing that the one we love the most could also hurt more than our enemies is enough to make us want to run in fear. Everyone seems to answer life’s questions with …. “follow your heart”, but sometimes your head holds the most rationale choice.

For the sake of seeking that perfect love we tend to follow our heart, then blame our head for making the mistake. Most times we even say, “I knew it all along”. Well if we knew it all along, why the hell did we do it in the first place?

One answer: We tend to love most, those who put us through the widest array of emotions. We as human beings will suffer enormous pain ……… all for the pursuit of love.

Fate determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.

Fantasy or Reality

When dreams become reality can the feelings that evolve be trusted?
We all dream about “The One”, the Yin to our Yang, the one person in the whole world that makes you feel complete. But how do you know if you have really found that person?

We fantasize about this person through out our lives. Building them into the perfect person. But can any human really live up to the fantasy person we have created? I think not!

Do you judge “The One” on big actions that happen every so often or on the little things that happen daily?

I think it is the small things that happen daily that mean the most in e long run. The laughter that only they can pull out of you when you really weren’t in the mood to laugh. the one that calls you out of the blue just because they wanted to hear the sound of your voice. The one that makes you feel like the most beautiful person in the world even though you think you look like shit. the one that chases your nightmares away and replaces them with happy dreams …..

Useless Masks

There you go again, staring into my eyes, bypassing the guards placed for most people.
Searching for the soul I have long denied.
Drawing a blush to my cheeks from the intensity.
Proving the “Ice Princess” is just another mask.
Yet I still try to keep my walls of protection erect.

Keeping me off-balanced with the look of adoration you give me at times.
When all I see are the flaws and imperfections of me.
Approaching me from behind, wrapping your strong arms around me.
Handing me salvation & damnation entwined together.

Fore you make my heart stronger and my knees weaker all in one breath.
Continually knocking away the cinder blocks of my emotional armor.
Refusing to let me wear one of my many masks of protection, and on the rare occasion that I get my mask on, you rip it away.
You see right through me.
Making me face whatever obstacle it may be, yet giving me the gift of you by my side just in case I need a strong shoulder to lean on.

So this is me, making the attempt to put all mymasks away, because with you they are useless.

Goodbye masks …………. may we never meet again.

Pain Stabbing My Soul

With life comes pain as I am reminded over and over again .. physical, mental, emotional. Physical pain I can deal with, mental pain I can block out but emotional pain is often the worst pain of all. How can I deal with a pain that pierces the very depths of my soul? What am I supposed to do when all I thought I had, fell from beneath me leaving me crippled and broken, alone and gasping for air?

When the hurt is so bad that it feels like a knife has been plunged into my heart, that is when I am the most vulnerable.

It makes it so easy to blame you person for what you did, so easy to hold a grudge, get mad . fuck, anything to avoid dealing with the horrible pain wrenching my very soul. What hurts the most is when I don’t even understand why you left me……. lying here bleeding in the dust without so much as a word or explanation.

No matter what its never easy to deal with the pain when all I can focus on is the feeling of being abandoned and alone. The little voice in my head asking questions like could things have been different, could they have been so much better had I just let go of all I had bearing down on my shoulders to be there for you? Or knowing that you are hurting too but there is nothing I can do because you have pulled away.

My soul is screaming I am here for you, let me break your fall

It takes my pain to unbearable levels because now that you are gone I can no longer be there for you, I can no longer pick you up when you fall.

All I know is that I must keep going on, regardless of who is standing by my side. I can never give up. When life is hard I must hold strong and when I persevere through the hard times what I hope to find on the other side will be worth so much more .. will be so much more precious.

I will take a step back from the pain for just a moment and try to think clearly. I will take heart that I am still here, and although life feels empty because you walked out of my life, leaving me completely rejected and useless it does not change the fact that I am still here and I deserve better then you.

Terrors of the night, we meet again.

Lying in bed, afraid to close her eyes. Knowing that if she allows sleep to claim her, the clouds of terror will roll in, engulfing her in the pain of the past. No escape to be had.

What flashes of memories past will play in her minds eye tonight? Will it be the sound of snapping bones of a girl so young. The sight of her spirit slowly dying from her eyes as she blocks out the blows. Never showing the pain felt as her little heart breaks.

Tears silently shed while her inner voice begs …………. pleads …………………. screams for someone to free her from her prison of pain.

Or will her memories focus on her teenage hell. Tricking her into feeling a moments peace. Surrounded by the beauty of nature, she smiles. The tranquility fills her as she watches the current of the creek flow. For a moment she forgets that she has been sentenced to an eternity of pain.

A shooting pain in her head has her fighting off the black void threatening to consume her. The sound of voices merged with the ripping of clothes, the snapping of bones all echoing through the mountain. The weight of the first knocking the wind out of her. Held down. Trapped. No where to go.

Now wishing the black void would consume her so she would not have to live through this horror x’s 3. Cold solid steel run along her flesh to finish the job. The sudden burning sensation as the blade cuts through her skin.

Tears silently shed while her inner voice begs ……………….. pleads ……………… screams for someone to free her from her prison of pain.

Sentenced to an eternity of shame over the loss of her innocence at such a young age. Will this child ever be free from her prison of pain?

Terrors of the night, we meet again.
Screams stuck in my throat, sweat dripping from my brow, Heart pounding in my chest. Grasping consciousness like a life line to sanity, wishing to be released from my prison of pain.